Watch: Sara’s testimony
Sara struggled with deep anxiety of not being good enough until the Holy Spirit opened her eyes to the spiritual strongholds that kept her in bondage and set her free. As she allowed the Holy Spirit to guide her in a time of confession and repentance, the accusing voices in her head stopped. Praise God! Watch her testimony.
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Four years ago, I began my journey of spiritual healing. Even though at the time, I would call myself a Christian, I didn’t have a real relationship with God.
Hi, my name is Sara and this is my testimony. Growing up, I was afraid of many things. I remember being afraid of the dark, being alone, not gaining my mother’s approval, and not being accepted.
I was born into a family that had a lot of occult practices. I was dedicated to Chinese idols. My parents? They turned to fengshui for fortune and prosperity. As a result, I was drawn to superstition, like fortune-telling and horoscopes. I was deceived into believing that I was protected by these idols.
As a child, I had trouble falling asleep because I was afraid of the dark.
I read Buddhist scripture and listened to Buddhist chanting. I thought that by doing so, I would be protected in my sleep. But I actually opened myself up to ungodly spiritual influences and allowed Satan to have a foothold in my life.
Growing up, I had always felt insecure about who I was, how I looked, and even what I said. I quickly developed a habit of self-criticism in the form of self-talk. I thought that by listening to voices of condemnation and shame, I could become a “better person”. I told myself that I was “stupid” and “dumb”, and that I needed to work harder and change myself.
And as a result, I started hating everything about myself and became more and more insecure and isolated.
But all glory to God, a friend from church saw that I had been struggling with so much fear, and shame and condemnation, and invited to pray with me to seek the Holy Spirit for His revelation and to be set free from these feelings. The Holy Spirit revealed to me many things that I previously could not see.
God saw my brokenness and the many “bandages” I used to cover up my emotional wounds. He wanted to remove them so that I could experience His healing.
Firstly, I realised that the self-talk allowed the enemy to implant lies into my head.
Secondly, I confessed and repented of the occult practices I had done. I drank water that was mixed with pearl powder. I was told that drinking it would help me sleep better and feel calmer.
After my repentance, I no longer felt drawn to wearing pearls any more. I also felt lighter and the voices in my head stopped.
Thirdly, He showed me that I had placed my mother in front of Him. I had made her an idol in my life. I cared more about her opinion rather than God’s. I should have run to God for His wisdom first. I was more afraid of disobeying her, rather than God, and I wanted to please my mom.
Instead of asking what my mother would do, I should have been asked what God wanted me to do.
I remember that every time my mother lost her temper at me, it felt that it was my fault and that I had done something wrong. Who knows, she might have had a bad day or had been struggling with some personal issues? This idolatry continued as I entered adulthood, because it was the only way I knew growing up. I didn’t understand that to honor my parents does not equal to obeying everything they say.
And fourthly, the Holy Spirit allowed me to understand that my mother, while being imperfect, loved me the best way she could and that I can forgive her for the unintentional mistakes. Releasing forgiveness towards my mother was a big step in my healing journey, because it removed a lot of my anger and frustrations, fears and anxiety.
I re-dedicated my life to Christ, and since then, I have been able to love God more freely with my heart.
The most rewarding experience so far has been learning to walk with the Holy Spirit and to allow God to take back His sovereignty in my life. Having a real relationship with God means to have a true desire to seek Him in all that I do, to know Him, and to be willing to set aside my own desires and obey His will.
I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that if my salvation and eternity with God is much more important than my temporary life on earth, then why do I care about all the things on this earth than my relationship with God?
I am much more interested in reading the Bible now and am able to recite scripture from my heart. When I seek God in my quiet time, I feel recharged and it allows me to place Him back in the center of my attention.
I’ve learnt that when I wait to hear from the Holy Spirit, He will respond, even if it is about the smallest things.
So, I want to encourage those of you who share the same struggles and fears; go to the Father and ask the Holy Spirit for revelation. Confess your wrongs and repent of your sins. In Revelation 3:20, Jesus says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.”
Finally, a true relationship with Him is more important than anything else we could ever ask for. I encourage you to invite Jesus into your life.
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