Watch: Evan’s testimony
Evan worked hard to please his parents and his seniors at work while suppressing his true emotions. This led him to episodes where he felt so stuck, that he could not speak. He became technically mute. Through these experiences, Evan learnt the power of prayer to help us break free from the chains that hold us down. Praise God! Watch his testimony below.
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There was one period that I realised my emotional suppression was so intense that I became technically mute.
Mute in the sense of, I wanted to speak but I just simply can’t. I think something is blocking me but I can’t tell what is it.
I am Evan, I’m 24, and I grew up in Hong Kong and studied all my life in Hong Kong. Basically, in Hong Kong, most of the best schools is conducted in English. So, if you go into a good high school, you will go to go to a good uni, and you get a good job. That’s the logic going on here.
My mum brought me to a school where the memory was so vivid.
I was standing right behind her and she was just begging, crying for the principle to accept me. At the end, no one, no schools accepted me and I just decided to go to an international school as a backup. This memory was really traumatising to me where I became a perfectionist.
Basically every day, when I go home, I would set up a timetable with a five-minute interval, including shower, including watching TV, playing video games, doing assignments. And at the end of the day, I would review what I actually did compared to what I actually planned. And as expected, oftentimes every day, I would fail what I planned.
And every day I live with guilt, I live with shame, to a certain extent that when I looked at my parents, I looked at the apartment, I looked at my wardrobe, I looked at my clothes, I feel that I don’t deserve all this love from my parents, I don’t deserve all this material stuff from this world.
I feel unworthy, I feel rejected as I did as when I was rejected in those primary school days.
Back then, I was really active, very funny in front of my friends and I became very quiet, very closed up. I feel that my emotions were suppressed. I was longing for people to care for me, to give me a hug but on the surface, I was trying to close up myself. This includes to my friends and to my family.
Even after I close up myself, those people might think, “Okay let’s give Evan some time,” but actually in my internal voice, I was “Come back, come back! Actually, I want you to care for me instead.” But I just couldn’t communicate to them.
There was one time, at home, I was mute for an hour.
My family finds something is wrong and I also feel not right. So, I went back to my room and texted my girlfriend, and she kindly called me and prayed for me. And it just feels like a miracle how after the prayer I could start to speak softly, slowly after being mute for an hour. It’s really my real-life experience to really feel the power of prayer how it affected me spiritually, emotionally, and also, physically.
It’s not only one time. Because it’s not convincing enough for me.
There was another time at home, where I couldn’t talk but I gave some hand gestures to my mum. My eyes were all red.
I have no mood to do anything. So, after the prayer, just about five minutes, I could start to talk and explain to my mum what happened. What exactly was I feeling. And all the redness of my eyes was gone as well. There are just so many more experiences of this muteness and how the power of prayer really help me to break down all these chains and bring me to freedom.
I went for a session for prayer and throughout this session, it is basically a journey of self-discovery, how all these past experiences have affected me subconsciously to shape me into who I am today and how all these affected me spiritually as well. It just struck me how identifying all these roots, all these relationships and connections, really helped me to develop my Christian faith.
I guess one of the lies that I’ve always put into my mind is I have to earn people’s approval, especially from my parents due to my bringing, to prove my value and my worthiness.
Even at work, my primary aim is to get those compliments and approvals from my seniors and that was really tiring. And I was driven by a lot of fear, how they would think of me, look at me. My actions, behaviours would significantly be affected by how they see me.
It really renews my mind, especially with that song that reminds me of I am a child of God. And every day right now at work, I just carry this identity back to work with power, with love, and self-control. And I just feel so empowered and different than before. Now all my work was really surrounded by my love from God but not from my own strength. And also, I don’t have any fear anymore.
I am just so blessed to have this transformation, as it also boosts up a lot of productivity at work.
People would wonder does this Christian faith really is the factor in transforming Evan Wong in this workplace. They see my transformation from a person who lacks energy, who struggles at work, who seems cannot find the meaning or the value at work into a person who is so joyful.
I pray every time before I head up to my floor, just to be an ambassador of Christ through the communications and relationships, especially in stressful times, how I could still be at peace and at joy to respond with love to them, instead of anger and stress.
And lastly, I no longer do my five-minute interval, intense schedule. I just pray every day on how God wants to use my time and I just rely on His agenda, instead of my agenda.
So, I just feel so much freedom compared to before.
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