Jesus softens businessman’s heart
L spent his life being very self-reliant and struggled with connecting with his Heavenly Father in his heart. Jesus revealed the emotional wounds and sins in his heart that had created blocks between God and him, and led him on a new path with a softened heart. Praise God!
I didn’t enjoy church throughout my childhood.
I was born into a Christian family. I’ve always believed in God and believed that Jesus is my Lord and Saviour but growing up, I didn’t really have a personal relationship with Him.
When I studied abroad for high school, I didn’t attend church at all. I lived overseas for nearly 10 years, from a young teenager to an adult. Jesus was not in my life during this period.
As an innocent teenager living alone in a foreign country, I was exposed to many temptations.
I also had to take care of my own problems. Growing up in a protective household with loving parents, I wasn’t able to cope with boarding school life. Many of the boys I shared a dormitory with had racist mindsets. Feeling isolated, I relied heavily on myself and also slowly fell into different temptations.
When I moved back to Hong Kong after university, I attended Sunday church service again at my parent’s insistence. Even though it was just two hours a week, little by little God’s truth sunk in and church became the highlight of my week.
As I tried to pursue God further, I sensed walls and blockages between God and me.
What is God’s presence? What does it feel like to be ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’?
Why do people say God speaks to them and why can’t I hear anything?
In fact, I couldn’t even feel too much of my own emotions. They were numb.
There were times when I know I should cry and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I felt very withdrawn from all my relationships. I know I love my family and my friends, but I really didn’t know if I can feel love.
A sister at church knew I was struggling and invited me to do the Love the Lord course and a renewal prayer. The course opened me up to a new dimension of things that can cause barriers between God and me.
Because of my reliance on myself, I made many inner vows and curses over the years.
For example, I told myself that I must prove that I deserve my blessings, I must be good and do the right thing and I must achieve success in life. I tried very hard to achieve them, unaware that these vows can cause strongholds and can place idolatrous barriers between me and God.
Through prayer, I renounced these inner vows which has freed me from some of my strongholds.
I was also unaware of all my emotional wounds. Growing up, I often felt alone or unaccepted.
For example, I’ve changed schools nine times, from kindergarten to high school, partly because I moved countries. As such, I didn’t have a stable group of friends that I grew up with since young. I think this moulded an orphan heart in me and made me feel that I needed to perform and do well to be accepted.
I knew I had some emotional wounds, but I didn’t think it was a big problem. I thought everyone goes through life with some hurts and regrets, and we just bottle them up and move on. Through prayers guided by the Holy Spirit, God is slowing revealing my bottled-up hurts and is helping me to process and deal with them.
I did a renewal prayer after I completed the Love the Lord course. I asked for forgiveness for sins that I have held onto for a long time, and renounced inner vows and ungodly soul ties that were still affecting me.
Miraculously, about two weeks after my renewal prayer, I was able to cry again.
It is a gradual process but I feel I am slowing regaining my emotions and senses.
I also felt ‘lighter’ because I have formally dealt with my sins and openly confessed them in front of other people. Sins I committed in the past no longer have a hold on me and doing the renewal prayer has helped me to forgive myself.
There is freedom in bringing our darkest sins to light!
God is a relational God. I wasn’t able to sense God because my senses were numbed. Through dealing and processing my past hurts and sins, I am regaining my senses with God and also removing the blockages and walls around my heart. Through this healing process God is softening my heart and helping me to be more receptive to Him.
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