Jesus shows wife His way to her family’s healing
S had been grieving over the breakdown of her marriage and praying for God’s salvation for her family. As she humbled herself to seek the Holy Spirit’s counsel, He showed her the things that had been blocking her from hearing His voice and the ways she needed to repent of in order to experience healing in her marriage. Praise God!
I had been a Christian for 8 years. Yet I still felt blockage in my relationship with God.
My head knowledge told me that God is always with me and actively working in my life. I knew I’m supposed to love God, but I was not able to feel love in my heart.
When other Christians shared about their relationship with God and the times they hear His voice and feel deeply loved, I would feel so amazed. At the same time, I’d wonder what was wrong with me and why I wasn’t able to experience God in the same way.
I longed to hear from God, and feel His love and delight in me, but I didn’t know how.
I had been having problems in my marriage and things had been weighing heavy in my heart for a few years, to the point where I wasn’t even sure that I knew how to love myself or others. As I prepared for my second renewal prayer, I asked God to remove the blockages in my heart and to give me a new heart so that I could receive His love, love myself, and love my husband, children, and others.
During my renewal prayer, I was led to confess, repent and cut ties with the occult from the Chinese provinces that my father and mother’s ancestors were from, as well as the occult influences on myself and my generation.
While praying, the Holy Spirit revealed that my father’s family was under the influence of the spirit of death.
Therefore, there was a tendency for the wives to attack the men in the family with words of death (condemnation, accusations, and curses).
Proverbs 18:21 ESV Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
I was immediately reminded that I always seemed to feel a lingering sense of criticism towards my husband, which materialised verbally at times. This turned into arguments and resentment in our relationship.
I was also reminded that many of the marriages on my dad’s side of the family experienced quarrelling, division, and divorce.
I also observed that the last two generations of men in my dad’s family suffered from the same heart-related and neurological diseases that led to early disabilities and death.
I prayed on behalf of my dad’s family and future generations to break the contract with the spirit of death in Jesus’ name and declared that it no longer has a hold on me or through me. I asked God for healing and to take control to lead and protect our family from this day forward, and to help each of our family members come to personally know Jesus as their Saviour and to receive His gift of salvation.
For my mom’s side, I repented and cut spiritual ties with the occult from her ancestor’s Shanghai province.
Shanghainese have a reputation for being hard-working, intelligent, and competitive. The women are typically domineering in the family and marriage. This description correlated with my mother’s family. She comes from a line of strong women with a pattern of being very dominating, prideful, and critical in their relationships.
I prayed to renounce my identity as Shanghainese and declared that I would only seek Jesus for my identity and be full of His love, joy, grace, mercy, and meekness, so as to be a peacemaker and servant.
It was becoming clearer to me that my sinful behaviour and attitude played a big part in the breakdown of my marriage.
Our relationship problems had built up over time from arguments, judgements, pride, bitterness, and unforgiveness.
My prayer counsellors led me to confess and renounce judgements that I made against my husband which had been weighing heavy on him and my marriage. I repented for tearing down my husband’s identity as a man, and for tearing down his identity as a father when I judged him in front of my children. I asked God to teach me how to love and respect my husband.
I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 11:3; that God’s design for families is that the man is the head of the woman, Christ is the Head of the man and the head of Christ is God.
When God’s design and order is turned upside down and a woman rules the home, this opens the door for Satan to enter the family and relationships.
During this time, one of the counsellors prophesied through the Holy Spirit that my husband’s face was full of darts from the judgements that I have thrown at him; and that God will heal my husband’s heart – but I will have to speak life and love over him for those darts to fall off and for the wounds to heal. Praise God for his grace, mercy and promise of healing!
I was also led to repent of judgements against my parents. Growing up as a first generation Chinese American, my parents instilled traditional Chinese values which meant that children were expected to be quiet, obedient, and show respect to elders. Any misbehavior could result in scolding or punishment. My parents spent most of their time working long hours, leaving my sister and me at home by ourselves most of the time. At school I felt different, awkward, struggled to make friends, and had low self-esteem.
During the renewal prayer, I renounced judgements against my parents for not being loving and nurturing, for their neglect and for being bad parents.
I repented and renounced judgements against my mom for shaming and punishing me. I also renounced judgements against my dad for being weak and inferior and allowing my mom to dominate the family. The Bible warns that we should not dishonour or curse our parents as this will bring curses back on us.
Deuteronomy 27:16 ESV “‘Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.’ …
My prayer counsellors reminded me of the verse “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.” Matthew 7:1-2 NLT
Leading up to my renewal prayer, the Holy Spirit revealed that I had self-condemnation.
At the time, my mind was foggy and I couldn’t piece things together. So, I decided to look for some answers by going to a book I had referenced before by Dr. Michelle Strydom titled “Healing begins with sanctification of the heart.”
I was diagnosed with vitiligo when I was 10, cholecystitis after the birth of my first child, and increasing high cholesterol starting in my 30’s. I was surprised to read that my health conditions all stemmed from a similar spiritual root of self-hatred, self-condemnation, and self-rejection. This affects people who are very angry with themselves or have a high degree of hostility towards themselves about a specific issue or issues.
During my renewal prayer, my prayer counsellors warned that as Christians, we need to be aware of how Satan attacks us through self-judgement.
I was then led in prayer to release my own judgements against myself.
I had judged myself for being unlovable, for not knowing how to love, for being a bad wife and a bad mother, for bringing hurt and pain to my husband and children. I was reminded that when we hold onto unforgiveness and judgments against ourselves, we are saying that Jesus’ death on the cross is not good enough to bring us forgiveness and therefore, real and lasting freedom.
In the midst of the disappointments and pain in my childhood and marriage, I had made a number of destructive inner vows. I was reminded that inner vows are like contracts or promises we make to ourselves to avoid suffering in the future.
The inner vow represents us choosing our will over God’s, and stops us from submitting to God’s greater plans and blessings for us.
During the renewal prayer, I was led to renounce the list of inner vows I made including, “I will not be like my mother,” “I will have a happy family,” “I will always be strong,” “I will work hard and be successful,” “I will not be looked down upon,” and “I will not let anyone hurt me.” I prayed to forgive my parents, husband, and others who had caused me pain in the past that led to these inner vows.
I replaced the inner vows with God’s truth for my life – that God loves me and accepts me, God is in control, and He has good plans for me and my family. God is my strength and refuge and will fight the battles for me!
My counsellors shared the verse “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.
Even after becoming a Christian, I was still striving on my own strength, trying to control situations and not fully trusting God.
My counsellors led me in prayer to repent for self-striving and to open my heart to Jesus and follow Him whole-heartedly. I prayed to crucify my old self to the cross and to never look back, and to only look forward to the future of God’s plans. I declared that I accept my identity in Christ and God’s gifts in their full potential, and that I put on the full armour of God and will be a warrior for God.
Towards the end of the renewal prayer, my prayer counsellors told me to ask God, “How do You see me?”
Although I had the spiritual gift of faith, I had doubts whether I could hear from God in such a direct manner.
As I closed my eyes and asked God “How do You see me?” the thought of a princess came to my mind. I shared this with my prayer counsellors.
To my surprise, the other prayer counsellors confirmed that they saw God giving me a crown to be a princess and I was clothed in a long sparkly dress.
One prayer counsellor also told me that God has given me the heavenly name Esther, which means “Star” in Hebrew. Esther was a queen whose story is in the Bible.
My heart leapt for joy when I heard this because I knew it was an answered prayer.
I had specifically asked God a few weeks ago whether I had a heavenly name and He lovingly used this occasion to answer me. Praise God for His confirmation that He hears my prayers and for His assurance that I am able to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice.
Finally, I got a vision of myself as a little girl running around a wide green field blowing dandelions everywhere. I felt God was releasing me from my burdens and sins to be free. He is restoring and healing the little girl in me!
After my renewal prayer, I have felt lighter and the dull ache that was often in my chest has gone.
I know God is renewing my heart and the Holy Spirit is helping me to become more loving, patient, kind, and forgiving in my thoughts, words, and actions as I surrender to His will daily. I trust in God’s promises for healing and restoration in my family and I am full of hope and expectancy that there will be a flood of pure love and joy outpouring from my heart in the days to come.
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