Jesus shows business owner prenatal root of sorrow
E had made many strides in her walk with God but still hesitated to trust Him. Moreover, she also suffered from a lingering sense of sorrow and sadness. Here is her testimony of how the Holy Spirit revealed how she had contracted her mother’s negative emotions while she was in her womb, and how He comforted her with the truth about her identity in Christ. Praise God!
Growing up, I always thought it was my fault whenever my dad got mad.
He had very high expectations for his children. In order to maintain the peace in our family, I would pretend to voluntarily choose whatever my parents wanted for me, instead of what I really wanted, because I felt I had no freedom to choose.
One time, my dad asked me to decide what I should do to punish myself. From that incident, I began to think that I had to punish myself in order to make things right.
As a result, I developed a habit of punishing myself before turning to God to express my emotions.
Slowly, I began the practice of self-sufficiency. At the same time, I also felt helpless. I thought my family was abnormal. My classmates would laugh at me. No one was there to help me, not even my mum.
A lot of lies and inner vows were planted in my head; “I cannot trust mum nor anyone.” I thought, “everyone in my family is fake,” and “we just pretend to love each other.” I felt God was not there to help me.
There was so much helplessness and sorrow with me, and I felt so tormented.
And since I was not allowed to cry in my childhood, my reflex was to shut my emotions down. In order to express and release my anger, I would hit my head and the wall with my hands in frustration. There was this lie in my head that said, “I don’t deserve to live.”
I began to project my earthly father’s demanding character onto God. I thought God did not really love me. I thought He had left me because I am weak and weird.
Because I was not given the freedom to have conversations growing up, I also did not know how to talk to God.
When a prayer counsellor asked me during a renewal prayer session how I felt when my dad was angry, I had no answer.
Through fasting and prayers before the prayer session, the Holy Spirit was showing us that my ancestors had worshipped idols in a temple on behalf of all their descendants and have given the idols offerings in exchange for prosperity.
Because of this contract with idols, the whole family was enticed into chasing after earthly prosperity.
This idol worship opened the doors to spirits of fear, shame, insecurity, torture, torment, death, belittlement, anger, and isolation to attack all of us, including dad and myself.
My earthly father was living in fear and had been trying to lead me to walk the same path of earthly prosperity. After my eyes were opened to the spiritual side of the story, I prayed to confess on behalf of the family and cut ties with the evil spirits in Jesus’ name. The evil spirits left me in a flash.
Now, I know I do not feel the need to punish myself whenever I do not fulfill the world’s or my family’s standards.
I was then guided by my prayer counsellors to release my emotions to God but it was not successful – until I renounced the inner vows I had made that “I cannot trust anyone,” and “I need to bear my family’s burden.”
Removing these blockages allowed me to finally be able to freely communicate with God, the God I can trust.
I also repented for hating myself and harming the temple of the Holy Spirit by hitting myself.
Satan had been torturing me through lies of not being good enough and self-hatred, and it was important to recognise and expose his scheme. The enemy wanted to keep me in darkness but God’s grace is sufficient for me. I do not need to be perfect as His power is made perfect in weakness. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
During the prayer, God placed His big hands over my head. It was His sign to me of His protection. God told me that His hands were over me when I was hurting my own head.
Then, I knew such a loving Father would not forsake me.
While seeking the Holy Spirit about any generational sins, one of the counsellors also received the words, “ancestral shame” and “neck being strangled” from God. I hadn’t told anyone about my fear of people touching my neck and immediately, I knew the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this unexplainable secret fear had passed to me from my ancestral sins.
I no longer had to believe in the lie that “I am weird.”
After the renewal prayer session, God had still more to reveal to me.
Over a year afterward, a friend asked me, “why are you always unhappy?” when she saw that I was still sorrowful. I felt very much offended.
With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I knew that this friend did not say it to accuse me. Although I prayed to release forgiveness, I was not able to experience His freedom.
Then in a separate conversation with a prayer counsellor, my gracious God continued to heal me and reveal the blockages stopping me from receiving His joy.
As we sought the Holy Spirit together for the reason, He revealed that because of my mother’s struggles with loneliness during pregnancy, she would question, “How come there is no one to care for me?” and “No one talks to me.”
I realised I had inherited the same thoughts and feelings as my mother while I was in her womb.
The spirits of widowhood, sadness, and sorrow had been operating during her pregnancy and I had been affected as well.
As a result, I always felt sad and helpless. I was deceived into thinking that others do not care for me. I didn’t know what I had experienced in the womb with my mother was the cause of my lingering sorrow.
It is something that I have been carrying for my whole life for over 30 years!
With the authority given by Jesus, I commanded these evil spirits to leave me and they left. God then comforted me with His words, “you have been carrying your mother’s sorrow in your heart. I used the most precious golden threads to knit you. You are not meant to be a puppet. You are meant to be made new.”
I realised that my sense of weariness was from my wrong focus on seeking comfort from human beings, instead of God’s comfort.
I was reminded that I do not first gain strength before I experience joy. The truth tells me that “the joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10).
God told me that I am not a refugee, I am His princess with honour. He anoints me. I shall not look back to the past, I am already washed clean.
I am amazed by His gentle, continual healing. His counsel never stops!
The lasting emotional imprints from the womb
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