Jesus sets mother free from condemning voices

E had been walking with God since she was a child but voices of condemnation plagued her for most of her life. After receiving some freedom after a renewal prayer six years ago, E began feeling oppressed again after giving birth and becoming a mother. Thankfully, she humbled herself to confess her struggles and the Holy Spirit revealed deeper issues in her heart that He wanted to heal and set her free from. Today, she has more joy than before. Praise God!

My God-appointed name is “Esther, a woman of valour and light.”

The Holy Spirit shared my heavenly name with me, as brothers and sisters prayed with me years ago. Yet I did not feel connected to it then and I could not claim it wholeheartedly. 

In His love, the Lord has continued to prune me over time. Six years and two children later, the Lord has led me through a series of intercessory prayers. Again, He affirmed my heavenly name through prayer, and I can wholeheartedly receive it and declare it now. Thank you, God. 

Some years ago in a renewal prayer, the Lord set me free from a spirit of control and performance that came from my mother. 

I forgave her and the Lord gave me a new heart of flesh. But when I became a mother, I unconsciously started trying to manage (control) everything, from being militant about my children’s sleep schedule (physical control), to trying to ensure that they were well and happy all the time (emotional control). 

I felt imprisoned at home because I couldn’t trust anyone else to ensure my children’s wellbeing. 

Whenever my children cried, I would feel a rope of condemnation tightening around my neck.

I would tell myself that I was stupid for making this or that mistake, it felt like everything was my fault. I felt wrung up and twisted inside from it. This was most extreme with my first child, leading to a few panic attacks and at times, feeling detached from reality. 

I was exhausted all the time from making sure I was constantly available to my children. I craved physical rest. 

Initially, I had accepted this as postpartum anxiety, but praise God, it became clear to me that in fact, this was spiritual warfare. 

I knew that the torment I felt inside did not match up with the truth I knew in my mind, and that the way I felt was not right with God. I knew I needed prayer and shared this with my husband at home one evening.

As I was about to get up to go to bed, I suddenly felt a bit foggy. I sat in silence with my head hung, it felt like my neck was heavy, and as if it required a lot of effort to speak. Praise God, He used my husband to intercede for me then and there. With my husband’s help, I renounced spirits of slumber, muteness, spiritual blindness, mind-binding, lies, deception and confusion. 

The Holy Spirit revealed that the back of my neck was weighed down by the weight of my sin, and the generational sin of my ancestors. 

I repented for trying to carry this when Jesus had already died on the cross for my sins. I declared that I died on the cross with Jesus and rose again with Him and am made new. I do not carry the weight of my sin or generational sin. 

Then the Holy Spirit led me to renounce the fear of failure, performance, fear of man, and dominance. As we worshipped, I felt the Lord tell me that my home is “Holy Ground”. I was moved to tears and so relieved. 

All this time, I was treating my home like it was my domain to maintain control and peace and happiness over.

The Lord showed me that my home is Holy Ground and under God’s dominion. 

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1-2)

Growing up, I made many judgements over my parents, often thinking to myself, “I should write notes on what not to do so that I will remember how to treat my children better when I’m an adult.” 

In a time of prayer with a few sisters, I was led to repent of judging my parents for neglecting me, not being present, not knowing me, and not being there to help when I needed them. 

In my judgment, I had also vowed to do the opposite for my own children, but now, instead of performing for my parents, I started to perform for my children. 

Even though I thought I was raising my children the opposite way from how my parents did, I was unwittingly repeating my their sin of control and performance. 

I repented for my performance, control and dominion over my household and asked the Holy Spirit to renew my heart toward my children. I released myself, my husband, children and household employees to make mistakes. Praise God, this was such a relief. 

When I was young, I came to believe the lies that I was unlovable, had been set aside, and needed to perform in order to be loved. This allowed in spirits of rebellion, rejection, torment, and lies. 

A sister discerned that there was a curse of lovelessness in my family. 

I was led to break this curse over my and my children in Jesus’ name. In Psalm 27, it is written, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10) 

I was prompted to ask God to set me free to rejoice in love, to rest in His love, to feel His love. After this, my heart felt tenderised and softened. Praise God for not allowing the curse of lovelessness to continue in my family line!

As we continued to pray, my sisters saw images of a tall building and pyramids. There was a great palace and I was standing outside but with my back still glued to the palace wall. Pyramids are tombs of dead kings.

The Holy Spirit revealed that this was my family’s self-idolatry in building up churches, and building up an earthly inheritance. 

I was raised in a multi-generational Christian family. From young, I was often reminded that I had a great spiritual inheritance because of my grandparents’ dedication and good work for the Lord. I grew up admiring them and feeling immense pressure to live up to my family’s spiritual legacy. 

I was led to renounce my family’s legacy, and the spirits of false religion, spiritual excellence, spiritual performance, self-righteousness, and false humility. I repented of believing the lie about my spiritual inheritance. 

The truth is that my whole spiritual inheritance comes from Christ alone. 

God was calling me to step out of the palace, the tomb of dead kings, and run in His rain. I cried for my family as I felt so contrite and saddened. I believe their love for God to be earnest, though misled. 

The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I had been holding on this heritage because in my mind, faith and family were intertwined. 

I repented for believing this and declared the truth, that my family is not God. 

Jesus said, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:37-39) 

Only when I come out from under the fear of my family can I be the “Esther” that God has called me to be, the one who is able to enter the palace, to be used by the Lord. “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

I felt much release and freedom, however, I continued to still feel a tightening around my neck and thoughts of condemnation. Later, as a sister prayed for me over the phone, she discerned that condemnation was able to take root in my life due to pride. 

Indeed, I knew this to be true, so I repented of puffing myself up in pride since I was a child. 

I confessed the pride in my family, and put down a false crown of pride and self-idolatry. I asked God to humble me and help me to crucify my flesh daily. 

Additionally, I learned that I have the gift of compassion, and those with the gift of compassion can often have a heightened sensitivity to negative words or emotions which, for me, led to feeling condemned. 

Since then, I have noticed that it feels like there is a stream of water running through me. 

When I start to have thoughts of condemnation and a tightening feeling around my neck, I remind myself to repent for my pride and crucify my flesh. As I do this, I have found that the accusations of the enemy get carried away by the stream of water flowing through me. 

When we have died to our flesh, the arrows of the enemy have nothing to hit, and the living water in us washes them away. 

Praise God, I have had such a nice bonding time with my family lately. I have been able to just enjoy being alongside my children, without the constant fear of what might go wrong. 

I also feel that I am a better wife and employer now that I am not constantly burdened by the weight of managing my household. 

God has set me free to enjoy being a mother! I am now learning who I really am in Christ after being freed from the mould of my family’s expectations, the condemnation, performance and pride!

 

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