Jesus reveals root of infidelity to executive
P often thought about being independent and single even though she was married. As she prayed and sought the Holy Spirit, God showed her that these thoughts were the result of a generational curse running in her family. As she repented of judging her earthly father for his adultery and repenting of her own sins, God presented her with a wedding gown in a vision and welcomed her into His arms. Praise God!!
I always believed I grew up in a happy family.
My dad worked very hard to provide us with a plentiful life and my mother’s focus was always on us. They never fought in front of us and my dad always gave my mum surprises, especially on her birthday. I also received a lot to love from my mother.
Yet, I did not realise there was a hidden sadness in my heart.
I had a typical middle-child symptom. I noticed that my dad’s favourite is my little sister because our family finances started getting a lot better after she was born. My older brother is the first child in our whole family so he got all the attention. My siblings and I didn’t fight much when we were growing up. Actually, we are pretty close until now! So, I didn’t realise those unhappy feelings of being left out were actually hidden in my heart.
It makes sense to be independent, especially when we study abroad.
My dad always reminded us that we need to be independent and that no one can help us even after we got married. Our spouse may not be able to help us and we may get divorced one day. Only one’s family, parents, and siblings will never change.
Looking back, this made me see marriage in a casual way. I have had several relationships and been divorced twice myself.
But in my twenties, I realised my “happy family” was a lie when I found out my dad had a mistress.
My mother wanted to get a divorce when she found out. My sister and I tried to support her decision but deep down, I didn’t want my parents to separate. They were supposed to be my perfect family. After a couple of months, my mother didn’t mention anything again and things went back to normal.
We were a “happy family” again, but only on the surface. I was very unhappy with my dad.
I became a Christian last year and began to read the Bible. This led me to repent of many things before God. So, when my friend suggested I do a renewal prayer, I didn’t think I had much to cover. But because I wanted to be very clean before God, I took up the offer and filled in everything in the renewal prayer form. To be honest, it took me a long time to finish the long questionnaire.
Being independent is always at the top of my mind. For example, I always thought about how to be financially independent so I worked hard to become a department head. I lived alone and took care of myself. I never discussed most of my decisions with my parents.
During my repentance and confession, the Holy Spirit reminded me of my great-grandaunt.
She took care of me when I was three or four years old. This aunt was from a village where silkworm breeding was popular and the villagers were mostly unmarried. Singlehood was part of their identity. My great-grandaunt was unmarried and had no family of her own. She lived with my family and took care of me when I had an accident.
The Holy Spirit revealed that I too had a “spirit of singlehood.” All of a sudden, I understood where all my ideas and feelings of independence came from.
The Holy Spirit also revealed that singlehood is a generational curse running in my family.
This curse is very strong on my dad side’s and in my dad too. Dad was created with a big heart and he yearns a lot for love. But because of the generational curse and his own emotional wounds from childhood, he was blinded to and couldn’t see my mom’s love. That is why he went to seek love from another woman even though he cherishes my mother.
After I prayed to forgive my dad, my prayer counsellor told me that my eyes appeared brighter.
Judgment is also something I needed to repent of.
I didn’t realise that I still judged my dad, other close friends and myself.
I repented and ask God to forgive me for judging anyone. I understand only God has the right to judge, not anyone else in the world. I also forgave them.
But I struggled to forgive myself.
I judged myself for my academic results, which I felt were not good enough. I judged myself for being a lack sheep of the family, and not being successful because I am not rich. I felt unworthy. The Holy Spirit showed me that I was holding on to my old rags, instead of letting Him give me something new to wear. So, I also forgave myself that day and let go of my shame.
At the end of the prayer, I was encouraged to talk to God. I saw God pass me a big and long white dress like a wedding gown. I also felt a big hug from God, I could feel Him holding me with both arms.
After the renewal prayer, I felt a lot lighter. I felt like many strings were cut and I am no longer tied down to invisible burdens.
I continue to feel a lot of love from God. I also feel God’s love when I talk to my dad now. I don’t just do it because it is my responsibility to call him. The love from God helps me to understand how to live life.
After a couple of weeks of my renewal prayer, my mind is much more clear and I can be alert to those earthy noises. I know this renewal prayer is only the beginning of getting closer to God.
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