Jesus restores architect’s childlike faith
D went overseas to boarding school to study on his own when he was 10 years old and developed a spirit of independence. This eventually hardened his heart – until he submitted himself to be restored to an authentic child-like Father-son relationship with God. Praise God!
I was taught to recite the Lord’s prayer when I attended a Chinese Christian primary school.
It was something we recited at school assembly every morning. Little did I know that this was one form of chanting, where my mind was meaninglessly repeating the Lord’s Prayer without understanding it from the heart. However, God does not condemn.
He led me to pray to Him from my heart when I went to boarding school in the UK to study on my own at the age of 10. Times were sad. I would cry and pray to God to take me back to Hong Kong where my family was. I would tell God about my emotions, ask Him for help, and ask Him to take me back to where I would feel comfortable. Looking back, it seems God had a much bigger plan for me to accomplish in the UK. I eventually stayed on to study and work there for over 15 years.
I slowly adapted to life in the UK, solving problems on my own.
This also meant that I had to rely on and trust myself more and more. Emotions were becoming rarer as no one was interested. I would brush things off and became independent. I took everything on my own shoulders. By this time, prayers to God were very rare.
After the first few years, my academics got better and better. Looking back, this was by the grace of God. Although this was a good thing, it reinforced the thought that I did not need to depend on anything else but myself.
The sense of unbelief and scepticism towards God also grew bigger and bigger – to the point I ceased to pray all together.
Fast forward to today where I am now 33 years old. God had taken me through various journeys to show how much He cares for and loves me. He has shown me how much I need to depend on Him instead of my own strength as I have done in the past. Through the “Love the Lord” class, I grew to have a much deeper relationship with and a fuller understanding of our Heavenly Father. This is something I could not have done through Sunday service alone.
I got to truly recognise the spiritual blockages standing between God and me.
Throughout the class, my urge to get rid of the lies in my heart got stronger and stronger. I desired to come clean before God from the bottom of my heart.
I did not want the mask of sins and curses to hold me back from what God wanted to show me. I was ready to die to myself and let God take me through a new journey. My desire was fulfilled very quickly. God arranged a perfect time for me to be renewed in Him after the class through a renewal prayer. Together with my prayer counsellors, we went through my background and cut off the effects of my family’s sin and my own sins over my life through repentance.
For example, my parents brought me to worship at various temples when I was a boy and I was given various jade necklaces to wear based on Chinese superstition. I also participated in ancestor worship. All this goes against God’s commandment to worship Him alone. I confessed and repented of my sins over a few hours. During that time, I felt my shoulders getting lighter and lighter, like a weight was being lifted off.
God also showed me how much He cared for me.
He showed me a vision from my childhood. I was crying out for help from under my duvet, where I used to hide and write letters to my parents to Hong Kong because I was homesick. The feeling was a lot of fear and pain. I called that place my “tent”. Then I saw Jesus together with me in a small tent where He hugged me, wrapped His arms around me, and kissed me. The feeling was so close that His beard was brushing against my face.
We discussed everyday things together, as a child would to his father. I asked God, “Where should we go to eat?” “What would you like to eat?’ and “Where should we go to play?” I understood that God is always our closest confidante. From this experience onwards, I go to my “tent” every time I talk to my Father. I only need to pray like a little child from my heart.
Before, I would talk to God from my mind in a kind of robotic manner. After the renewal, my conversations with God are heart-to-heart.
God also showed me He understood my feelings when I was in the UK by revealing Psalm 27:10 to me; Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
God then told me that I had been harsh on myself in the past through all the things I was trying to achieve on my own. Father told me to forgive myself, because I am his son and He is always by my side, caring for me. He showed me a new song and also Psalm 18:19; “He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me”.
He showed me another vision where I was standing on a rock that was growing bigger and bigger.
It felt like a strong firm foundation. I bowed down and submitted myself to God. At that moment, God gave me a NEW HEART, the kind mentioned in Ezekiel 36:26; I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. He comforted me by saying that I do not need to look left or right, I just need to focus on Him and accept Him into my heart. Things ahead with Him will be good.
Towards the end, my soul was praying louder and louder, as if I was shouting for victory. The sense of sins, spiritual baggage, and wrongdoings were emptied from my heart. They were now behind me.
The more I open my heart and step towards God now, the more I feel He will grow my faith.
More importantly, Satan has been revealed in God’s Light. I now know how to react when I face the enemy and his challenges. Previously, Satan would have me contain everything inside of me, to try to accomplish things by myself. Now, I have learnt to release my control to God when I face difficulties because God’s Spirit is working inside of me.
By lifting up my burdens and emotions to God, I feel a greater freedom.
It is a freedom that makes me feel I can go further, be stronger, and accomplish more of God’s plan for His glory.
Looking back, the prayer time was warm, comforting and intimate. It was a time with Father, a relationship where you are the most comfortable and fulfilled. Prayer is real talk with emotions, not from a checklist or from the mind, but from the heart with the Holy Spirit.
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