Jesus reassures and comforts medical specialist
E grew up missing out on her father’s love and attention. This led her to idolise love from men. Here is her testimony of hearing Jesus reassure her that He knows her pain and that He will give her a new life with Him. Praise God!
Although my family is small and poor, we were happy.
My dad wasn’t there most of my childhood, he was always away in China. My dad’s business eventually failed and we were in trouble financially. There were threatening calls every day and we had to move. It was 1997 in Hong Kong, the year of the handover and property prices collapse. We sold the apartment and there was not much money left so we ended up moving to New Territories.
I think of my father as a free spirit, although some could call him irresponsible too. But I don’t have any bad feelings or any strong feelings towards him at all. All that I know is that he needed to work far away, so we never lived together. My mom, by contrast, is always careful.
My mom puts her family first, while my dad put himself first.
My mom needed to work in order to pay for all our bills, so my grandmother was the one who looked after my older sister and me. I still remember the taste of the snacks that my grandma used to prepare for us.
When I was 15, I needed to undergo a big surgery on my spine that took 10 hours. But I did not feel scared at all, I was distracted because my beloved grandma was suffering from cancer. All that I could do was to be calm and tough, I even wanted to carry all the burdens that my mom and my grandma were carrying at that time. I was proud that I never showed my weakness in front of my family.
I was trying to be the head of my family.
I always thought I was okay to live without a father. There are many single-parent families in the world and I am just one of them. But somehow, there were some unhealthy patterns or thoughts that kept running in my mind. I was never a confident person, I felt inadequate. I was so eager to have anyone pay attention to me.
I studied in a Christian school, both primary and secondary. Thus, I prayed as a habit since little as I always listened to my teachers. I don’t really know how to pray, so I just pretended that I was talking to someone who cared about me. I didn’t know about repentance until I signed up for a renewal prayer many years later.
During the renewal prayer, one of the prayer counselors asked me to talk directly to God. At first, I was not sure what she meant but then I realised she meant that I should really just talk to God, not only ask Him for things like the way I used to. Then I started to tell God things that I never thought would come out from my mouth. As I prayed, thoughts popped up in my mind like God was talking back to me in my spirit.
During that prayer, God asked me to forgive myself and all the people who have hurt me before.
I said I did. But when I spoke to God, I cried so hard. I didn’t understand why. Then I started to ask Him; Why did I have to suffer so much as a child? Why me?
I realised that I hadn’t put down my bitterness. I asked God to help me.
After that prayer, I was so exhausted because I cried so hard but I also felt relieved and peaceful. I have never had this kind of conversation with my Heavenly Father. It was so amazing!
I felt His love in me. He called me His daughter, and said that He saw my tears, He knew my pain, but all these have gone. He will give me a new life, He will give me the best to compensate my painful experiences.
I trust He has His plan.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
There are things that we can’t explain. Only God has the answers. But I do believe nothing can escape from God. Everything is under His control. God has got me covered in His love.
Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. Roams 5:3-4
The second thing that held me so much in the past was my idol – building my own family.
Therefore, a romantic relationship means so much to me. I have been hurt many times and I hurt people too. I tried to keep guys around me, I wanted them to treat me well to make me feel loved. I didn’t care if the guys were just players, as long as I got what I wanted. The friends around me had no problem with doing the same. I just tried to fit in and went along with them, but I could only get a boyfriend who would never turn to be a husband.
I fell in love easily. I wasn’t rational at all. That was why I let people hurt me too. I felt so exhausted and broken. I asked God, why did I always have bad guys around me? Where were the godly men?
I now realise that if I want to be the life partner of a godly man, I must be a godly woman first. If I want to avoid meeting players, I must stop pretending to be a player.
I thought I was so obedient, no matter how I wanted myself to fit in and be a bad girl, I just couldn’t because I was afraid that I might lose the entrance ticket to heaven. I am lucky that I was a coward.
Yet, I was too scared to let God control my life. I want to have someone to love me and build my family. Unfortunately, I was using the wrong method to get it done. I now realise I focused on an idol, which is wrong. I should have put my focus on God. I realised how God loves me. He loves me so much that He said He would give me the best.
Chasing after the things that I want on earth makes me frustrated and tired but chasing Him makes me feel so energetic!
Now I can’t stand not reading His Word every day. I want to be close with Him! When I see couples in church, I see how they serve and grow together. They help each other to fulfil the purpose that God gives them. I know that this is what God wants me to have too. From now on, I will love Him and trust Him with all my heart and all my soul, AMEN!
True love for God means obeying His commands, and His commands don’t weigh us down as heavy burdens. 1 John 5:3
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