Jesus helps advisor recognise the lies she believed

A’s desire to control her emotions and to take care of her family often came before her desire to let God lead her. It also led to a lot of anxieties. Through a time of prayer, the Holy Spirit revealed that she harboured anger and resentment towards her father, whom she felt had let the family down, resulting in her feeling like she had to step in to fix things at home. A experienced a newfound freedom as she repented and forgave her father from her heart and a renewed desire to follow God. Praise God!  

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 耶稣帮助顾问认清谎言 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌幫助顧問認清謊言)

I grew up in a family that loved each other and provided for one another.

We went on family trips, celebrated birthdays as well as special occasions together, and attended church on Sundays. As a child, I was well protected and did not receive much pressure to perform or achieve in school. When I looked around, I did not feel that anything was “missing”, nor could I see the brokenness that existed within my family.

It wasn’t until this year, in going through a renewal prayer, that the Holy Spirit revealed so much hurt I had experienced as a child; feeling obligated to cheer up family members, running to the garage to ask my father where he was going late at night, and holding the phone in bed as I waited for the “right time” to call my father and ask when he would be coming home.

At first, when the Holy Spirit brought back these memories, I felt angry that I had to go through all of this as a child. I had not felt this sort of anger inside of me in years. I also felt sad that, because of these experiences, I learned to always be on defense mode.

I saw myself as an untrained, inexperienced fireman who was constantly running around putting out fires that didn’t even exist.

Ecclesiastes 7:16 – “Do not be over righteous, neither be over wise – why destroy yourself?”

I was tired from carrying around so much because I felt “I had to”, but I also struggled to let go of these fears, anxieties, and doubts at the feet of Jesus Christ. This was accompanied by many inner vows, that were consciously made but became subconscious for me over time.

Proverbs 21:2 – “A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.”     

The Holy Spirit revealed that there was still un-forgiveness in my heart toward my father and that I needed to humble myself and repent to God. I had yet to see him for his brokenness.

I believed that as a father, he should have never hurt me or put me in these situations.

I felt that my father “owed” it to me as his child to protect me, without ever realising that he is also a broken person in need of God’s resurrecting power, unfailing love, and everlasting hope.

Praise God for helping me see my father and myself in more similar situations than I wanted to admit, that we were both trapped in our own constructs of what a family should look like and what a family should do for each other.

I had to pray to God to uproot and take away all roots of bitterness so that these voids could be filled by the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4:30-31 “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

When I moved to the US at 15 years old, without my parents, it was the beginning of God tearing down these constructs I had created, believed in, and clung onto – in order that I would be open to a life in which the foundation would be built on God and His promises alone, not the things of this world. In the years following, I joined a Youth Group, found an English ministry church, served regularly at church and found a small group to walk with.

Matthew 6:19-20 – “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

1 John 2:15-17— “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the yes, and the pride of life – comes not from the Father by from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”

But for all those years, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was “doing church” rather than connecting with God and building a relationship with Him.

I knew the Christian values and concepts in my mind, but failed to move beyond that, to a place of understanding and intimacy with God in my heart.

Every first of January, I would pray to God that I wanted to know Him more. I wanted to pray more and read the Bible more – for I knew that that was what I should do. I did not want to look inward as “doing something” was, and felt, much easier.

I had so many strongholds in my mind that stopped my heart from believing the truth.

For example, in order to keep the peace at home. I would repeatedly tell myself that “this is no big deal” and that “I will be okay” and that “it could be worse”, but all of these did not bring freedom, instead they brought bitterness and discontentment. As a result, I struggled to express emotions freely without reservation, and to believe that God cared about my feelings too.

Through the Love the Lord course, I learnt, discussed, and prayed about many core topics such as experiencing God’s love, the urgency of true repentance, how we are to use our words (according to the Bible), the impact of emotional trauma, occult practices, and sharing in His suffering. These past few months have been a time of incredible growth in conviction for God’s words and His heart for me.

I learnt to recognise many lies I had come to believe, such as, “I need to always be happy and be in control as to not make my family worried” (not show my true emotions or be vulnerable), “If I plan every single detail and think through of all the ways things could go wrong, then I will not disappointed and hurt by others,” “If I am not careful of what I say, when I say it, and how I say it, then people will not accept me and will judge me.”

I did not realise how easily the enemy attacks and robs us of the truth, God’s truth.

For the first time, I said “No!” to the enemy. I had not called my father in a few days and began to feel fear and guilt over being a “bad” daughter and disappointing him.

But, I had such a strong conviction, in my heart, that these were lies and not from God. After praying to God, I called my father, not from a place of guilt, but from a place of love. We had a great time speaking with one another, without an end goal of proving how much I cared for him, nor my worth to him.

1 Peter 1:13 – “Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.”

This year, I also experienced the Bible come to life. The more I read, I was amazed by the consistency and clarity of what is written to us.

These are not just words on a page, but they are promises that truly set us free and allow us to set foot forward from a place of striving to a place of rest and victory. There were times when I read the Bible and would need to stop to catch my breath. There were times when I read and felt that this was a love letter from God to me.

I felt a fire begin to burn within me to always seek out this truth, even if that meant looking back and looking inward for God to renew all of me. And even if it means starting from the beginning and knowing God one more time. Since October, I have been reading Genesis and I have been reminded of how God created us in His image and time and time again, even in our brokenness and weaknesses, He will bring hope into our lives.

Lastly, through the renewal prayer, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the humility and faithful obedience God desires from us.

It is less so what we do, how much we do, what we plan, how much we plan, but really tearing away all the layers and seeking what pleases Him.

A few months ago, I was waiting for the bus on a rainy day. Seeing an old lady with lots of shopping bags and no umbrella, my first thought was to go over and share my umbrella with her, but I hesitated and had fears over whether she would feel comfortable. I struggled to step forward in faith, instead I felt attacked by the enemy with questions of, “Do you think she would appreciate it?” “What if she doesn’t like it and steps away?” “Do you really want to do that?”

God knew where my heart was and in His gentle but mighty way of silencing the enemy, the old lady stepped toward me and asked “Do you mind if I share your umbrella with you?” My heart felt so full. God had filled the void and convicted me that my intentions were good and we do all things for His glory. I felt so loved and encouraged.

For all the strongholds and inner vows still in my mind and heart, I pray that my heart be softened and open to God – His plans, calling and commands.

I praise God for the growth in humility, intimacy, and obedience to Him through this course. For all the days to come, may the Lord help me to love Him with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind.

Luke 10:27 – “He answered, ‘Love the Lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’”.

 

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