Jesus helps banker recognise his fear
E suffered from deep subconscious fears in spite of having a blessed life. At times, he would be unable to speak and become mute. Here is his testimony of how the Holy Spirit helped him unlock the emotional and spiritual lies that the enemy had used to destroy his life. Praise God!
I had trouble experiencing joy.
Praise God that Jesus has freed me from emotional suppression. Now, I am able to experience the joy and peace that “transcends all understanding” which “guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus” described in Philippians 4:7. All glory goes to God.
In my free time, I compete in basketball tournaments. Whenever my teammates celebrated a victory, I could not rejoice with them. I remained awkwardly calm and emotionless. Even worse, there were instances when I became mute for no reason. Psalm 38:13-14 captures the essence of who I was. It says, “I am the deaf, who cannot hear, like the mute who cannot speak. I have become like one who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.”
My family thought I had depression.
I tried medications to boost up my endorphins and visited counselors. These helped me a bit but the One who really freed me is Jesus Christ.
One time when I was mute, my girlfriend prayed over the phone for me in Jesus’ name. I cried out loud like a baby for no reason and then I could slowly start speaking again. This was one of my few direct encounters with spiritual attacks.
I always thought evil spirits would not bother you if you don’t get their attention.
However, after talking to a mentor and going through a renewal prayer, I began to understand how the enemy set up strongholds in my soul that blocked my relationship with Jesus – through my upbringing, parents, relationships, objects and habits. I was able to see how many things in my life were interconnected.
“Why didn’t you do as well as your cousin?”
In school, my father often compared my sisters and me with my cousins, in terms of their grades and fluency in English. When I got bad grades in primary school, he scolded me harshly and it traumatised me. Even after graduation, my dad still continues to compare us with our cousins’ salary, financial strength etc.
As a result, I liked to share my achievements and seek approval.
I described myself as a perfectionist. I wanted to keep pushing myself to improve and make every day count. At work, I couldn’t face trials or rejection well. If I made a minor mistake, I would dwell on it for over 30 minutes with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I seemed to lose control and was unable to get over it.
During prayer, the Holy Spirit showed me how the rejections and comparisons in my upbringing had accumulated and imposed a great fear of rejection, failure, and abandonment on me. My parents had raised me with a distorted kind of love; one which is combined with fear – fear of not going into good schools, fear of losing out, fear of the future. This led me to live a life of seeking approval and compliments from authority figures, such as my father and my boss.
My emotions and worth had been based on how people see me, not how much God loves me.
The Holy Spirit also revealed that my fears were based on “I won’t risk rejection again” and “I will show you I am worthy accepting.” Subconsciously, these two statements ran my life. I was reminded of 2 Timothy 1:7 and how God “gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self control.”
I was surprised at the generational patterns of fear revealed by the Holy Spirit.
My father was not close to his own father and also experienced rejections in the past. He had been alienated by his boss, colleagues, and society. A spirit of the fear of rejection from my father had passed onto me. I was not aware how my father’s fears slowly became my inner voice and defined me as a person.
Satan had a stronghold in my life through a fear of failure, yet it is so comforting to know Jesus will always be here for me. In John 10:10, Jesus said “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” The verse reminds me of how much God loves me.
Now, I am more aware when I have self-doubts, OCD-like thoughts and fear, and can discern that these are from the enemy, not God.
The enemy used other ways to try to deceive and destroy me:
- My Chinese name was given to me by fengshui master.
- I had collected and stored different kinds of superstitious charms, guanyin accessories, and dragon jade jewelry from my grandmother in my drawer since young.
- My relatives are quite active in qigong and keep persuading other family members to learn it in order to recharge their spirits and heal their sicknesses.
- I worshiped our ancestors and burnt hell money to them at tomb sweeping ceremonies.
- My mum had been meditating on and chanting guanyin scriptures for years and visiting fortune tellers.
After cutting all these ungodly soul ties and lies at renewal prayer, I have already noticed changes in my life.
I am able to experience joy and love from God. I am less drowsy when I wake up every morning, dwell less on my fears, and go more quickly to God and brothers-in-Christ for help.
This is just the beginning. God’s work is not finished.
I keep reminding myself:
- Keep asking the Holy Spirit to reveal what other lies have kept me stuck.
- God has an overflowing supply of joy, hope, and peace for me, a child of God.
- Rejoice! All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.
Currently, I am excited to be part of a men’s group where men open up without shame, keep each other accountable, and grow our spiritual armour together. It is important to have a community to be watchful and support each other to resist the enemy and stand firm in our faith, as 1 Peter 5:8-9 highlights, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.”
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