Jesus gives inspector a heart of flesh
K was forced to spend his formative years separated from his parents and learn to get on with life on his own. Having been told to “be strong” by his parents, he pushed down his true emotions as a boy, not realizing that he also hardened his heart towards God. When he confessed his true feelings to God during a renewal prayer, the Holy Spirit gave him a new heart of flesh. Praise God!
I remember when I was eleven, I was given a three-month period to move to a foreign country permanently.
I was ordered to pack my favorable toys to be thrown away and to leave my friends and my school in fifth grade. It was an order without compromise.
At the same time, my parents were not happy with each other and were going through a divorce. This was the given family situation and the only choice I had was to accept it as life just moves on.
After I moved to the United States, I grew up with my older siblings as my guardians.
My parents did not move with us, so I listened to my siblings like they were my parents. I was told to take responsibility of some household work; I was in charge of washing the dishes every day, putting the trash away, vacuuming the house, cleaning the tub, watering the grass, and feeding the dog. I took these responsibilities as a given because of what my parents back in Hong Kong told me.
My parents instructed me to “be strong and then you can handle all things.”
During the years growing up as a teenager, my normal duty was to fulfill the household work. Completing them satisfied my siblings, but my true emotions were never heard and often suppressed deep down.
Emotional suppression became a habit and part of my character. Eventually, I became unable to speak about or express my true inner feelings, even as a forty-year old adult. Often times, I would put up the “Strong and Proud” mask to handle all the things on my own, just as I was taught.
The feeling of emotional detachment became a norm. I developed a hardened heart.
I never cried when breaking up with any of my girlfriends in my adulthood. Even when I heard the news that my dad had passed away, I did not cry and went back to sleep. I was so good at suppressing my feelings and just moving on. “Strong and Proud” became the center of my heart because I believed I could handle all things in life on my own.
My girlfriend (and now wife) was with me when I heard the news of my dad’s passing. She was prompted by this incident to encourage me to go through a renewal prayer so I could ask the Holy Spirit to remove my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:26 ESV And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
I had been a Christian for 13 years, but I could not hear God speak directly to me.
Before the renewal prayer session, I also found out my mother dedicated me to Jade Emperor (玉皇大帝) because we share the same “birthday”. She also dedicated me to a wealthy woman who used to head a prostitution business as my godmother.
During the renewal prayer, I could feel the spiritual blockage and denial as I struggled to pray to renounce these ungodly dedications in Jesus’ name. I stumbled as I confessed to God. The struggle and hiding was not from me but from the evil spirit within me as a result of the idol worship.
My mind was determined and after I cast out the evil spirit, I felt lighter and happier.
My face turned brighter and I felt His warm presence as His light shone upon on me like the sun shines on you in the morning on a cold winter day.
I also confessed to God that I have idols such as “Strong” and “Pride” and inner vows such as “I can handle all things in life on my own” and asked Him to forgive me. I repented of my childhood idols such as my gaming and comic characters, such as Dragon Ball, Marvel characters, and Sensei that I loved. I spent a lot of time playing them instead of spending quiet time with God.
When I was asked how I felt when my parents told me to pack up to leave Hong Kong at 11, I could not even come close to how I felt because of all my emotional suppression from 30 years ago. And I never thought about how I felt. But with the guidance of the prayer counselor and the Holy Spirit within me, my emotions finally came out.
I lifted up the pain to God of moving to a foreign place and losing my toys, my confusion of living without parents, and the question, “why?”
I was able to release the suppression within after living with it for many years. I have also asked God to forgive my parents of their decisions of leaving me when I was just a boy.
At the end of the prayer session, my prayer counsellor asked me to talk to God directly.
When I closed my eyes, I saw God in the light.
He told me that He loves me and He was there when I was eleven and even until now. “See how many people I have brought to you to keep your path straight in your life? Now go start a family and have your son follow My ways, not yours. Go and continue to make disciples.”
I am encouraged by the power of Christ and the mercy of His Love. God “The Ultimate Healer” has softened my heart.
Now I am able to express my true inner feelings to my wife, family, and my friends.
To be able to have tears during worship and have watery eyes after watching a touching story is truly a blessing. I have learned that Jesus is LOVE. He knows my pain and sorrows in life. I am no longer a slave of emotional detachment because I have restored my relationship with God.
Philippians 3:13-14 ESV Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
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