Jesus frees mother of long-held stronghold of feeling unwanted
A had studied the Bible since becoming a believer but still struggled to retain God’s Word in her heart, until she humbled herself to seek the Holy Spirit’s counsel and renewal with fellow believers. God showed her the strongholds that left her feeling unwanted and the lies that had held her back, and freed her to experience a greater depth of her Heavenly Father’s love. Praise God!
I was born into a traditional Chinese family with a strong buddhist background.
Being the youngest child, everyone thought I must have been “daddy’s girl” but it was the opposite, to say the least. Ever since I was a little girl, I felt this unseen gap between my dad and me. The older I got, the bigger the gap grew, imagine the Grand Canyon! There was barely any communication between us, even though we lived under the same roof.
I was lonely and sad, especially after my siblings left for school in the U.S. Time flew by and I also left home for school. I came back after a few years to begin my career. On the outside, I was doing well, I had a great job, great family, and great friends.
But that void in my heart was filled with all ungodly things – boyfriends, social status, and material things.
In 2022, I decided to do a renewal prayer as I felt distant from God. I completed a form which helped open my eyes to many areas of my life which I had not invited God into yet.
When the day of the prayer session arrived, I began to feel so nauseous, I thought I was going to throw up. At first, I thought I had eaten something that gave me a bad stomach but my prayer counsellors explained that it was quite common because of the things that were stirred up that God was going to relieve and heal me from. That gave me the courage to persevere through.
We began by repenting of worshipping and cutting ties with the buddhist idols and false gods. As I prayed, I felt lighter in my spirit, thanks to the work of the Holy Spirit. Here are the things that the Holy Spirit also revealed to us as we prayed.
Revelation #1: Over the years, God has been mending my relationship with my dad. The big breakthrough came when the Holy Spirit reminded me about an incident that happened decades ago.
When I was a kid, I got bullied in school and told my dad about it. He seemed quite sad and concerned.
The next day, to my surprise, my mom stormed into my room. She yelled at me and told me that I shouldn’t have told my dad about my issues and problems because he was so worried that he couldn’t sleep that night. I was not allowed to say anything from then on. My sadness and feelings were dismissed and it made me feel that no one cared for me.
From that day onwards, I stopped talking to my dad. He was mystified. As time went by, he became frustrated and his conclusion was that I had become a spoiled brat. I didn’t bother to explain what had happened and the Grand Canyon between us just grew bigger and bigger.
This lie has robbed years away from my dad and me, but the Holy Spirit exposed the lie and brought me hope.
I can see that God is continuing to redeem me from the hurt and misunderstanding and He will rebuild our family bond. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to confess the feelings and love I have towards my dad through prayer. It was such a libration to articulate every word and everything I had wanted to tell him all these years.
Over time, God has healed my relationship with my mom too. I know parents wounds are devastating but God can heal all things. What the enemy separated, God bridged the canyon. What the enemy broke, God healed.
Revelation #2: Ever since I was a kid, I had unexplained encounters with evil spirits. I found myself interacting and speaking with them.
As a kid, I thought it was normal to talk to these entities because it happened quite often. There were incidents in Hong Kong, Japan and Singapore. Through the Holy Spirit, I understand that I have a gift of spiritual discernment but I have to use my gift wisely and not entertain or connect with such spirits. I simply need to rebuke them and command them to leave, in the name of Jesus.
I learned that I should always check with the Holy Spirit as He is my Source of truth.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, I repented for yoking with unclean spirits and broke all covenants that I had unknowingly made with them by responding to their calls. In particular, I commanded the spirits of medusa and depravity to leave and submit to Jesus, and to never come back. These were the spirits I had encountered, the Holy Spirit gave us their names.
Revelation #3: When I left for college – I went from a place with no love to a place that’s anything but. I remember all the clubs and organisations that were having orientations, They welcomed me with warm, smiley faces, and goodie bags. They treated me as one of their own. I joined a fraternity/sorority and developed strong ties with fellow members.
I felt a strong sense of belonging with the fraternity/sorority and everything we did; from using secret codes and going clubbing to following various rituals during vote-in. Little did I know I was offering myself to idols in the world by participating in the activities. I repented to God about ever using flirtation, charisma, and my looks to gain attention.
But I felt the resistance in cutting soul ties with the fraternity/sorority, as I had been soaked in the lies that they were my family.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, I was able to repent, cut soul ties with everything related to the group and choose God.
Revelation #4: I had a miscarriage in 2019, I suffered from so much guilt that I could barely breathe. I was sure it must have been something I did or did not do, which made me fail to house my child.
The Holy Spirit revealed that the accusations were from the enemy who had taken aim to attack and destroy me. I was able to release my baby to God’s hands and know that there were no better hands than His to love and care for my baby. Crying during prayer brought me healing and freedom.
Revelation #5: As the Holy Spirit led me further into prayer, He led me back to my mom’s womb where I first felt rejected, unsure if I was wanted because of the burden I would bring to my family.
My mother’s health was deteriorating after having three children and she wasn’t sure if she wanted one more. Being the sole breadwinner, my dad was under a lot of stress too.
I also saw myself in my mother’s womb with tiny little snakes surrounding me, waiting to devour me. I was quite shocked.
Then, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that Satan had aimed to destroy all our lives, including mine as well. God protected me! Even though I wasn’t able to see Him in the womb, He was there.
Suddenly, I had a download that the big lie that I had believed that I am not wanted was planted in me inside my mother’s womb!
Throughout my life, Satan made every effort to introduce death to me, that “it’s better off for others if I was dead.” And I believed it and agreed with it, hence I entertained the idea of suicide and I was careless with my life.
The Holy Spirit led me to repent and renounce every lie I had believed and for rejecting myself repeatedly.
I broke the power of death and words of death over myself in Jesus’ name and I chose to accept everything about myself, as I was fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
Psalm 139:14 ESV I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Revelation #6: The Holy Spirit also led me into prayer about God. Apparently, my fear of rejection had gotten between God and me as well.
Because I feared God would reject me, everything in my visions throughout the renewal prayer were cartoon and disney-like. I saw a little girl but I could not see myself (as an adult) or God. I was mystified until the Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was afraid to be myself, in case God may reject me.
I didn’t want to grow up, it’s safer to be a child, who doesn’t love children? But God wanted to receive me and love me just as I am.
The Holy Spirit then further revealed that I haven’t forgiven myself for all the failures in my life. As I prayed to forgive and release myself, I also repented and cut soul ties with all cartoons I’ve seen and yoked with them by opening my spirit to them.
I had to do multiple rounds of repentance prayers to clear all the junk inside my soul and spirit, as all these stole my focus and time with God. It was only after the prayers then I could see myself as I was and God as He is.
The Holy Spirit showed me that I have an active imagination which is a means into the spiritual realm to receive prophetic words, visions, and dreams from God, but Satan wanted to corrupt my gift so I was led to wild imaginations instead of using my gift for God.
I prayed a prayer to close the doors to Satan and always seek the Holy Spirit for the truth.
After the prayer session, I was completely beat but the nauseated feeling disappeared completely. I had great appetite to enjoy my dinner. After dinner, I took a walk. As I was walking, my heart was full and I was in awe of my good, good Father’s love – overflowing up and down, and all round. He loves me – just as I am.
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