Jesus frees dentist from blind spots
K grew up in a family that never communicated grace or love to one another. As a result, she didn’t understand the true meaning of forgiveness until she humbled herself to receive the truth and was given new eyes from Jesus to see the world in the process. Praise God!
I had many blind spots.
I thought I was spiritual healthy but after going through a renewal prayer, I found wounds I never knew I had. If you don’t take time to pray and ask God with the support of fellow believers, you can remain blind. Blind spots are hard to find because they are not easily visible to ourselves.
I never had a close relationship with my dad growing up. My family lived in Canada while dad worked in Hong Kong and sent money over to support us. We lived apart for six years, during the crucial time that fathers and daughters build relationship bonds.
When my brother and I finally moved back to live with dad, I remember it was like being with a complete stranger.
We thought he was cold and didn’t know how to communicate. At home, we never expressed any love; words of affection, praises, hugs, hand-holding or kisses.
If there was a fight, my family never talked about why they got mad.
There was no sorry, no discussion and no confrontation. My father and mother would just end up having cold wars and not talk to each other for weeks. During these episodes, dad would also be cold and distant towards my brother and me because he would just assume we were on mom’s side. I felt my parents wrongly took out their anger out on us.
One time as a little girl, I was accused of losing a small piece of stationary – a brown stapler in the house that I had never seen. But my father bluntly insisted that I took it and lost it. I had no way to even say I didn’t even know what it looked like. He accused me to the point of not allowing me to explain myself. I remember being so wounded and hurt. My mother was still in Canada at that time and there was nobody to comfort me. I felt angry that dad would accuse a little girl in this way.
I realised these episodes left a wound in my heart towards my father.
I vowed to never accuse or make anyone feel the same way I did. Deep down, I had unforgivness issues.
One time, I got a complaint from a young patient for a dental treatment I gave her which in all fairness, I believed had helped her. However, her mother, who never came to the clinic with the patient to understand the treatment, sent us a one-page letter accusing me of making them spend extra money and charging them a fortune. I felt wrongly accused and attacked. In spite of still being very angry, I verbally told my mentors at work that I will forgive them for their ignorance.
In my pride, I thought I was so “generous” that I could still face people who attacked me with no hostility.
During my renewal prayer and inner healing session, I was made to realise that I didn’t truly understand the meaning of forgiveness. My idea of forgiveness was conditional. I found out forgiveness meant that even if the offending party didn’t admit they were wrong, didn’t change, or didn’t promise to never do it again, I should still not hold any judgment towards them.
During prayer, I was given the chance to admit that I was still angry and that I had been rolling a growing snowball of unforgiveness ever since childhood. I finally uttered the words to forgive them from my heart.
Next, I saw an image of myself humbly on my knees.
Immediately, tears started pouring down in such large drops that I felt it was impossible to open my eyes.
Then I saw my father more clearly – how much he needed love; how he never got it from his own father; how he was unable to hear the word “sorry” from his own father who had wrongly accused him of stealing money from his wallet. Such thoughts would have been impossible for me prior to my renewal prayer. I felt deeply reassured and began to look at the relationship with my dad with more hope of restoration.
I felt great hope that my father will have the chance to come face to face with Jesus.
As soon as I finished that prayer and opened my eyes, the colours on the walls of the prayer room suddenly looked brighter, sharper and lively. I already had 20/20 vision and didn’t need to wear glasses or contacts. Yet somehow, everything in the room became more in focus. It was as if I was given new eyes and was able to see more clearly than my existing 20/20 vision.
As I write this, it has nearly been exactly one month since that prayer experience. I am still weak and imperfect, but the experience and closeness of God remain with me. If I look to myself and the world, I feel great despair. But when I turn to God and fix my eyes upon Jesus, the things of this world seem smaller. Jesus is the only, yet greatest, Hope that I have.
I have learnt that to experience God, I must first come to terms that I am actually so prideful.
Recently, I learnt that the root word “humilitas”, which is the root word for both humility and humiliation. It basically means to “put low”. Humiliation is to be put low by others whereas humility is to lower yourself. Lowering the importance of oneself is the difference between pride and humility.
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