Jesus comforts medical surgeon
H was fostered at her grandparents’ home while both her parents worked full time, leaving her feeling abandoned. In response to the loneliness she felt, she gradually developed an independent spirit and turned to Chinese witchcraft; fortune-telling and fengshui. As she repented and asked God for His forgiveness, He gave her an encouraging vision of His acceptance and love for her. Praise God!
(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 耶稣安慰一位内科医生 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌安慰一位內科醫生)
Growing up in a Catholic school, I came across God since I was very young.
However, I never related myself to Him on a personal level. Father God was merely a historical figure in my eyes. It was not until many years later when I was studying for my A-levels in the U.K. that I got reconnected to God. My friends and my guardian bought me back to church and I committed myself to Christ.
But life did not really change much afterwards. I still did not have any personal relationship with God.
As the only child of my family, I was taught to be independent and responsible.
With both parents working fulltime, I spent most of my childhood with my grandparents. They were both very loving and kind, and I could not have asked for more.
However, I could recall several occasions where I would cry myself to sleep because I was missing my parents so much. Logically, I knew my parents were working hard to provide a good living for me, but deep inside my heart I felt abandoned, despite all the love I received from my grandparents. I gradually learnt to be independent and take responsibility for everything in my life.
A sense of insecurity and loneliness rooted and grew inside my heart.
To deal with the loneliness, I started to seek for love from others. With repeated failures, I turned to fortune-telling and fengshui. On all of those occasions, the fortune tellers would tell me that I was not lovable and pleasing to other people and that I shall never be able to find someone that would truly love me.
I fell for it and my self-esteem hit a low. I continuously criticised or even condemned myself.
Despite having very low self-esteem, I would try to look strong and arrogant outside in order to protect my broken heart. I became very judgemental and prideful but lived with an empty, lonely, and scared heart.
Everything changed when my grandmother got sick and eventually passed away.
We were very close and my world fell apart after she was diagnosed with cancer. Being in the medical profession, I kept blaming myself for not be able to make the diagnosis earlier. I felt helpless and hopeless.
My friend bought me back to church and I gradually re-engaged with God. It was amazing how God comforted me through scriptures and worship. I began to join various church activities and build up my relationship with Father God.
However, despite all the biblical knowledge inside my “head”, I struggled to feel the presence of Father God.
I knew God was pouring out His love for me, but I could not feel it. My “heart” was not connected to my “brain” and I was very frustrated.
One time I was catching up with a sister-in-Christ who had just finished the Love the Lord series and a renewal prayer. She shared with us all the breakthroughs she experienced and how God has changed her throughout the process. I was very touched and decided to embark on this journey, which bought me to the Love the Lord series as well. Throughout the sessions, I realised I had made so many inner vows which were not based on truth.
I held grudges towards my parents, despite repeatedly telling myself that they had tried their best in raising me up.
Me cursing myself and fantasising about death had closed the door for me to experience joy, freedom and life from Father God.
During my own renewal prayer, I broke all the ungodly soul ties that I made with all the idols I worshipped and fortune-telling I consulted. I renounced all the lies Satan had imposed on my mind about how I perceived myself as Father God’s daughter. I broke all the inner vows about how I did not deserve love from others. I repented for fantasising about death and was set free from all the guilt I had from my grandmother’s death.
I realised all the comments that I received from fortune-telling were from the enemy and that Satan wanted to steal my identity in God.
I can be weak and vulnerable because I have the strength from God. I do not have to take up all the burdens and God wants me to share it with Him.
I remember seeing an image of God opening His arms at the end of the prayer, wanting to hug me just as who I am. I no longer need to judge myself. Father God is always pleased with His creation, which is me, His daughter.
Renewal prayer is just a beginning. There are still many things to deal with and I still fall at times, but I have learnt how to reject all the lies from the enemy in the name of Jesus. I am excited to see where Father God is bringing me and how He is continuing to transform my heart and life.
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