Jesus comforts and encourages analyst
H sought acceptance from people in an effort to fill an invisible hole in his heart. During prayer counselling, H cried out to God and expressed his grief over the unhappiness and brokenness in his family. God responded with loving and encouraging words to comfort him. Praise God!
(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 耶稣安慰和鼓励一位分析员 | 繁體中文 > 耶穌安慰和鼓勵一位分析員)
I was born and raised in a small city in Indonesia within a non-Christian traditional Chinese family.
Due to my dad’s work circumstances, I moved away to a bigger city with my mother and my sister when I was four years old and haven’t lived with my dad since.
The first time I learned about Christianity was when my parents decided to send me and my sister to a Christian school after we moved.
Back then, I didn’t really have a relationship with God.
I also did not ponder much about the meaning of the Bible’s content, apart from the fact that it was an interesting historical book that I had to study and memorise in order to get an “A” in Bible studies class.
We moved to Hong Kong when I was 14 years old and I started straying away from Christ as I was not enrolled in a Christian school anymore. This continued during my time in college overseas, as I lived a life where I thought I was sufficient by my own effort with my newly-found freedom as a young adult far away from family.
God called me back to His community after I returned to Hong Kong for work. It was one of the darkest periods of my life because I was very unhappy working at a job I hated and felt very lonely as most of my closest friends were living outside of Hong Kong.
With an invitation from a high school friend, I eventually went through two seasons of Alpha course before I committed to Christ.
From then, my hunger for God has been growing as I became more involved at church in the past few years, serving in various capacities and being involved in different ministries. Some of my friends have even joked that I basically work/live at church with the amount of time I spent there. Throughout this time, I have been joyful to serve, yet I continued to actively seek for opportunities to encounter God whether it is through community, Bible study, etc.
In 2018, a few friends from church mentioned the Love The Lord course.
The course covers the spiritual realm, encounters with God and the Holy Spirit, and many topics that are not necessarily addressed in church sermons.
Naturally, I got very intrigued and continued to ask my friends more about the course and its availability. One year later, I signed up and eventually enrolled in the course.
Throughout the course, I learned so many topics on the root of fear, shame, inner vows, occult, strongholds, and many of these concepts that can be all connected back to the Word of God in Scripture.
Deep down, it started to make sense as I reflected on my own life and experiences. I could start putting the pieces of the puzzle together.
After going through the course, I eagerly went through a renewal prayer as I had been longing to hear more of what God wants to reveal to me.
From the beginning of the session, it was revealed to me that one of the major themes that stood out as a root of blockage in my heart was my earthly father and family.
One of the surprising revelations was that there was a spirit of poverty in my family line that has not only been stealing our finances, but more importantly, our joy.
The blessings have been destroyed in the family line through relationships or gambling. Despite my name having the meaning of “builder of happiness”, in actuality, it is far from it.
Due to the lack of love and attention from family, especially with my earthly father not being physically present throughout most of my life, I had turned to idolise acceptance and relationships with people.
Growing up, I had always chased for attention from my friends, whether by being a class clown and making jokes, actively being there for others, or doing anything to be able to fill the hole and longing for acceptance in my heart.
However, God revealed that He knows my heart and that He doesn’t need me to put on a mask of fun or happiness anymore.
He wanted me to know that Jesus compensates for me and that I don’t need to try so hard on my own strength.
As I heard this and was asked about how I truly thought of God, I started breaking down in tears. I had thought that God was so unfair to me because I felt that my life is so difficult, particularly on the emotional side. I questioned the burden and shame that I had to carry growing up with being more sensitive and emotional, which I had deemed as “weakness” as a man.
Furthermore, I kept wondering why God had put me in my family situation, where there is so much unhappiness and brokenness, and I had to seek attention from others. Moreover, I had to suppress my emotions and put on a mask in order to feel accepted by others.
God revealed that I had adopted the posture of Simon the sorcerer in Acts chapter 8, who sought for gifts and abilities.
In my case, I had been using my spiritual gifts for myself and to seek for acceptance from other people. Instead, God wanted me to know that I have a beautiful heart and that I should accept and use gifts to heal people.
God wants me to put my mask away and let Him use me for who I am. I had to stop rejecting myself and choose to accept myself for who God has created me to be.
Afterwards, I broke and renounced the lies that the enemy had been feeding me, such as “I am not good enough”, “I never get things right”, and “I am not acceptable or loveable”.
I also repented from the biggest idol in my life, which was turning towards acceptance of people around me instead of seeking God.
That day, I asked God to fill my heart with His acceptance.
I also broke all generational curses from my family and repented of the occult and unbelief that I had been tied to, while starting the journey of forgiveness towards my family.
Towards the end, I also prayed an acceptance prayer and agreed to be baptised with fire. I accepted who God made me to be and asked God for His forgiveness as I have chosen to listen to the enemy’s lies about my identity.
I prayed that the Holy Spirit will help me and remind me of my identity in God instead of rejecting the talents and strengths that God has put in me.
As I was praying to God on what He thinks of me, God revealed three images to me, which were a warrior’s helmet, a white flower, and a gem. This was confirmed by the prayer counselor, which received three words from God: funny, strong, and precious.
As I continue to reflect the words from God, I rejoice that God sees me as His brave warrior. Though I may have always thought of myself as weak, I am reminded that God sees me the way He did towards Gideon. In Judges 6:12, the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon and said “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
It does not matter how I or the others see myself, I will remember that I am God’s funny, strong, and precious warrior.
Truthfully, until today I am far from perfect and continue to struggle in many areas of life.
Nevertheless, I rejoice in the fact that as the scripture says: God’s grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness. Through his grace, I will continue to walk in obedience and learn more about Him, even if it means a small step at a time.
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