Jesus frees retailer from spiritual blindness
K was not convinced she was good enough for her Heavenly Father. This drove her to seek ways to be good that unfortunately, did not bring her any closer to God. Here is her testimony of how Jesus lovingly released her from spiritual blindness and bondage to Catholic idolatry and showed her that He is always by her side. Praise God.
I grew up in a traditional Chinese family that prized obedience and compliance.
As the eldest child, I was expected to set a good example. Our family doesn’t encourage confrontation so we don’t talk about our struggles. I used to feel guilty and ashamed if I did something wrong. Therefore, I liked rules because I felt they kept me “good”. Rules made me feel safe.
Apart from my family, Catholicism greatly shaped my personality.
I studied in Catholic schools from nursery all the way to secondary school. I was very active in many religious activities and a key member of different Catholic groups, including one called Legion of Mary. Its website describes the Legion as an international association that seeks to bring God glory through “the holiness of its members developed by prayer and active co-operation in Mary’s and the Church’s work“. I spent many weekends doing voluntary work with the Legion because I wanted to be holy.
To sum up, I was quite religious and liked having rules. I call it “frames” for my life.
But no matter how good I tried to be, I still had no joy and didn’t see my value.
I had even gone through different inner healing and renewal prayer courses. However, my mind was confused and the pathway to God was still not clear to me. Thankfully, my spiritual mentor didn’t stop encouraging me to pursue God. She believed He had more for me. I see this as a manifestation of God’s unfailing love and persistence for me. He is faithful!
Looking back, it felt like there was like a layer of gloom hovering over me for years.
At the start of my recent renewal prayer session, I was asked what it would be like for me to enter God’s throne room. As I closed my eyes, I saw a medieval throne on top of a few steps, with blazing light shining through a window behind it.
Somehow the light was so overwhelming that I could not see God.
Before we continued, I was asked to write down everything in my life that related to Catholicism. There were so many items that my list filled one and a half pieces of A4 sized paper!
They included the priests and nuns that I used to idolise, the statues that I bowed to, the prayer beads I used to chant prayers with, the religious artifacts and images I kept, the saints I used to revere, the Catholic retreat houses and cathedrals I visited, the vows I made etc. I was also given a new name after being baptised as a Catholic, which I felt honored to use. I was quite surprised to see that so many things on the list looked like superstitions and cult-like rituals masked behind the name of “Jesus” and “Mary”.
I repented to God for idolatry and cut spiritual ties with everything related to my Catholic church background.
At this point, I was asked to pray and ask God to show me the throne room again. This time, the vision was different. The blazing sunlight in the window started to set and disappear. Indeed, the source of light was now with me in the space that I stood. I thought I saw an image of God but it was not very vivid or clear.
Next, we prayed about my family ties. As I filled in the renewal prayer form earlier, it became obvious that there are a lot of generational curses on my mom’s side. For instance, there were multiple spouses, drug addictions, and incest throughout three generations as well as early deaths and chronical illnesses. In fact, my mom passed away in her fifties after suffering from lung cancer for seven years. When I prayed to cut soul ties with my mom’s side of the family, I cried very deeply.
It was like something was reaching down inside me to draw the wounds out and wash them clean.
I went back to my vision of God’s throne room at this point. God walked down from His throne and stood next to me. As I continued to dwell on the image, God reached out and held me. I was finally connected to God.
I believe this final image is of God’s truth for me, because it cleverly answered my issues all at the same time.
- I’m now connected with the Creator who is limitless.
- All the frames (and rules) that I had used to feel safe in the past have become useless.
- I cannot be held in a frame when connected with One who is boundless.
- Since I’m connected to the Almighty, I do not need to be religious and do works to be good.
- God loves me no matter what happens.
This truth was revealed to me step by step as my vision evolved. God knew I needed a logical methodological approach in order to be slowly convinced and freed from my prison of frames.
Because of this experience, I can now say with great conviction: Immanuel – God with us!
Before renewal prayer, I was worried if I was capable of being cleansed once and for all. What if I am not good enough? What if I sin or fall again? But I am experiencing a new chapter in my walk with God. Now when I read the Bible, God’s Word becomes alive for me with revelations from the Holy Spirit popping up more frequently. I am more aware of the enemy’s lies and how I can stand against them. I do not need to fear when I am connected to God.
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