Jesus frees lecturer from anger
W is a lecturer who struggled with pride and anger for many years. Here is her testimony of being set free from the fear and pain from her childhood by forgiving those who hurt her. Praise God!
When my counsellor suggested I forgive my mother, I refused.
When I was growing up, my parents faced a lot of financial difficulties and fought often as a result. My mother lashes out in anger whenever she is afraid or upset. It was inevitable that tensions remained high throughout my childhood. I remember always being afraid and angry. I was once told that living with an angry person is like living with a drunk; life becomes very unpredictable and insecure.
When I started to pray to release forgiveness to my parents during my renewal prayer, my mind felt all kinds of emotions: hurt, resentment, anger, sorrow and also confusion. I couldn’t think clearly and had to focus very hard to pray the simple words. I am glad I was led in prayer by my prayer partners as I could not do it on my own.
The hardest part of forgiving my parents was to acknowledge that I had made myself the judge of their sins – and of my own sins. I had to ask God to forgive me because I displaced God as the only One with the right to judge and punish.
In my hurt, I had turned myself into a harsh and angry judge when God is full of love and mercy.
I faced my greatest physical and spiritual struggle as I started to ask God for forgiveness and to acknowledge that Christ is Lord of all parts of my life, including these areas of hurt. My mouth would not move, no matter how hard I tried to pray out loud and I sat in silence for a long time. My body actually trembled because of the immense effort it took to speak out. I could not believe how hard it was to even say “I….” Finally, the words came out slowly, and I felt like I could breathe again.
I also realised that my parents express and receive love very differently from me.
While I am touched by the time people spend with me, my parent worked hard to serve their family and didn’t have the luxury of time for us. While they loved me, I didn’t know to recognise this at the time.
As much as the prayer time cleansed my heart and soul, I know that I need to continue to be transformed by the renewing of my mind, and that includes the discipline of meditating on God’s Word. I need to develop ways of thinking, speaking, and acting that reflect God’s truth and grace (Proverbs 4:20-23).
I have to put away ungodly behaviour patterns and beliefs I learned as a child.
During the prayer, the Holy Spirit revealed that I need to revoke the curse “to be quiet” that was spoken over me when I was a child. I am to replace that fear of speaking up with the boldness to testify for Jesus Christ and bring His truth to others so that they too can experience freedom.
I don’t know how I can help others but I believe God will use my experiences of deep hurt, isolation, aloneness, anger, arrogance and constant fear to tell others that they don’t need to live that way. God’s design for our lives is far, far better than I imagined.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
My relationship with my family has improved and I continue to pray for their salvation.
Whenever they behave unkindly to me now, I remind myself that I need to respond with kindness. I also need to remember to replace any harsh words my parents say about me with God’s truth.
When my mother now makes a negative comment, I can be more patient with her, but I also now set boundaries with my parents and tell them in a calm and clear manner when I am upset by something they have done. On one occasion, my mother even apologised to me and admitted that perhaps her way is not always the only way to do things. That’s the first time this has ever happened in my life.
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