Jesus frees church worker from childhood pains
D carried a lot of sorrow in her since childhood. Here is her testimony of releasing her pain to Jesus and inviting Him to heal her. D is now freed from slavery to the emotional abuse she experienced as a girl. Praise God!
I would tear up and cry uncontrollably at the mere mention of mother and daughter relationships.
Something in me broke emotionally after my last disagreement with my mom. Thankfully, God opened an opportunity for me to go through a renewal prayer with some prayer counselors. To prepare, I was asked to fill in a long questionnaire, sections of which asked about my childhood and my parents’ backgrounds.
I heard bits and pieces of my mom’s life story from my dad and extended relatives, and reflected on the pain she experienced from childhood to adulthood. My mom was a child in China during the Japanese occupation and she suffered very much during this time – starvation, disease, and hiding from the Japanese were the norm. When she was about nine or ten years old, her parents sent her and her sister to live in different homes but kept her brothers. After the end of the Japanese occupation, she learned that all her immediate family had passed away.
My mom never talked about her pain and kept all of it locked up inside of her for over 80 years. But those experiences manifested through her harsh methods of teaching and disciplining my sisters and me. I was often told I was lazy and irresponsible. As a result, my heart accumulated pain from my own shame, un-forgiveness, anger, resentment, and fear over 50 years.
Some people see darkness in parts of their hearts; my heart felt a heavy knot.
During the renewal prayer, my prayer counselors coached me to go back to the incidences that caused shame, un-forgiveness, anger, resentment and fear and release my pain by confessing them and my unspoken grudges and judgments to God. Then I expelled spirits of shame, lies, pride, death, self-hatred, anger, rejection, jealousy, judgment, guilt, bitterness and resentment. I also cut ungodly soul ties with places, people, and practices.
After the renewal prayer, I felt lighter and realised I have a clearer outlook; no longer cynical and mistrusting people. Harsh words or criticism no longer leave wounds that lead to anger, then to resentment and then to bitterness. I am less emotional and not so quick to jump to negative conclusions about people or situations.
My outlook has changed. I no longer picture myself alone in my life ahead.
Previously, I saw myself like my dad; having a quiet life post-retirement. Released from all the pain and fear that had accumulated from childhood; the heavy knot that gripped my heart is gone!
Now I speak up to clarify my point of view, address offenses and set boundaries when necessary.
The very next day after the prayer, I received very sad news that a friend’s 23-year-old daughter had passed away from a hiking accident. This friend was on the list of people I needed to forgive. After forgiving my friend, I did not hesitate to respond by reaching out to send my condolences.
As I write this, three weeks have passed since my renewal prayer. My heart is light and I feel freed. The cleansing process continues as the Holy Spirit continues to bring to mind people or places that I need to forgive and cut ungodly soul ties with. I am able to work through and confess any hurtful thoughts that suddenly come up as I go through my day or interact with others.
I am no longer a slave to shame, un-forgiveness, anger, resentment, and fear. I am a child of God who is free.
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