Self-hatred

Self-hatred often stems from a deep sense of inadequacy, born out of imperfect and anxious childhoods. Along the way, it is likely we may even have wished to die or resorted to hatred and bitterness. This gives way to Satan to bombard us with critical, condemning statements until we start to believe those accusations. Praise God that Jesus came to set us free from self-condemnation and self-hatred when we seek Him with all our hearts in prayer.

(See Chinese versions: 简体中文 > 自我憎恨) | 繁體中文 > 自我憎恨 )

 

James 4:7 ESV  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 

Proverbs 10:12 ESV  Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

A prayer to overcome self-hatred

“Dear Heavenly Father,

I take comfort in knowing that You understand how I feel; the anxiety, gloom, and heaviness that’s been lodged inside me for a long time. There is little sense of hope or joy.

Ecclesiastes 8:6 ESV  For there is a time and a way for everything, although man’s trouble lies heavy on him.

I try to be a good Christian but I don’t seem to experience the fullness of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. It feels like I’m constantly treading water and it is so tiring. I surface out of the water for air once in a while and slowly sink back down into an abyss again. I feel stuck. Life looks meaningless and tedious. Can there really be any hope for me?

Galatians 5:22-23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

God, I cry out to You for help like King David did in Psalm 142, but I confess I’m also afraid that nothing will change. I have been masking the fact that I constantly think the worst of every situation; that nothing good will come out of my life. I put a smile on my face but there is a dull ache inside my heart; it feels lifeless.

Psalm 142:4-7 ESV  Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, “You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.” Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low! Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me! Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me.

Father in heaven, please help me to humble myself and to set aside my fears, doubts, and self-condemnation so I can be sober-minded and focus on Jesus, the Light of the world, and not the darkness within me. I really do want to cast all my anxieties to You but I don’t have enough confidence to do so. Deep inside me, I don’t like myself. I actually deplore myself and find it hard to believe that You could truly love me.

 1 John 2:9 ESV  Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.

Satan constantly reminds me of how I have failed and will continue to fail. My spirit is now very crushed. I feel like You are far far away, Lord. Holy Spirit, please show me what lies I have come to believe about God and about myself. Help me see there is no distance between You and me, not even an inch. You are so close!

Psalm 34:18 ESV  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

 I confess that I have allowed my enemy, Satan, to blind my mind so I don’t comprehend Your goodness towards and Your love for me. Today, I take up the authority given to me by Jesus and command the mind binding spirit to leave me in the name of Jesus Christ. 

2 Corinthians 4:4 ESV   In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Where I have ever given Satan permission to torment me into choosing death, hatred, or bitterness, I now repent in Jesus’ name.

Deuteronomy 30:15-16 ESV  “See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.

I confess I have (please name all past thoughts or activities related to exalting death e.g. fantasied about dying or my funeral / wanted to die / wished to go to heaven / wished to die early / wished to join a deceased friend or family member / thought about committing suicide / thought death is better than life / spoken to or consulted the dead / slept in graveyards), please forgive me!

I have also participated in festivals of the dead, including (please name them e.g. Halloween, All Saints Day, Ching Ming festival, Ghost festival). I did not know that I was inviting the spirit of death into my life. Today, I turn away from such evil.

Psalm 34:13-14 ESV  Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

I confessed I have also hated people, including (please name them all). I have been a murderer (1 John 3:15) without knowing it!

1 John 3:14-15 ESV We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

My sin has begun to turn back towards me. I now struggle with self-hatred. I have reaped what I have sowed. Satan has come to accuse me and drag me into darkness. Jesus, please forgive me and deliver me from this personal hell.

Galatians 6:7 ESV  Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

I also repent of thinking of or speaking words that invoke spiritual death or curses upon myself as well as other people, such as (please list as many as you can remember). Today, I turn from using my tongue to obey Satan to speak words of death and choose to follow the Holy Spirit to utter words of life over myself and other people.

Proverbs 18:21 ESV Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

I also repent of vowing that I will not show or express my emotions. I open my heart to You, God, and invite the Holy Spirit to relieve me of my internal torment and deliver me from evil. 

Today, I choose to forgive the people whom I felt so oppressed, unloved, or neglected by in the past, and release them from my condemnation into Your perfect and fierce judgment. Please forgive me for thinking I can be a better judge than You and for trying to rob Jesus of His role as Judge in my life. Even You, Father, have given all judgment to Jesus. 

John 5:22-23 ESV  For the Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son, just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. 

I also want to confess all the pain these people inflicted on me and cast them all to You. You have asked me to take Your yoke upon me so that I can pass all my emotional burdens to You to carry. (Here, please honestly confess the negative feelings you felt during the incidents and pour out our accusations, anger, grief, and bitterness towards those who hurt us before God.)

2 Samuel 22:5-6 ESV  “For the waves of death encompassed me, the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. “In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I called. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry came to his ears.

I bless those who have hurt and disappointed me with peace, good health, ample providence, and good families. I will no longer curse others, this only brings me curses in return.

Romans 12:14 ESV  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

James 3:9-10 ESV  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

Today, I command all dark powers assigned to kill, steal and destroy me to leave me now in Jesus’ name. Satan, you can no longer bring me down into self-hatred and spiritual darkness. Today I choose to live through Jesus Christ!

John 10:10 ESV  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Thank you for responding to my prayers, Heavenly Father. Thank you that You don’t condemn or shame me as I confess. Thank you for welcoming me into Your loving arms.  

Psalm 34:4-6 ESV  I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.

Thank you, God, for never forsaking me while I walked through my valley of the shadow of death. Please lead me to quiet streams to drink of Your Living Water and restore my soul. Thank you that Your goodness and unfailing love have pursued me all the days of my life, and Your salvation is so real, so tangible, and so good. Thank you for Your faithfulness even when I had so little faith. 

Psalm 23:1-6 ESV  The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

God, please use the darkness I have endured for Your glory and turn my life into a living testimony of Your loving grace. Please turn the harm others have brought into my life into something good, use me to bring those who are in pain Your living hope.

Genesis 50:20 NIV  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

I praise You, God, and thank you for saving me. 

In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen!

Also, see:

Refuting the lies that glorify suicide
Jesus replenishes and heals architect
Jesus frees entrepreneur from self-condemnation

 

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